then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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