idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
