I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
