those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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