If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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