I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We left the knife in your bed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
