He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
