I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
