And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
