Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
