I'm jealous of your bromance
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
