so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
