Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
