i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
try to milk me bitch
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