He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
