he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
