we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
