Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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