I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
