Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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