Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
false alarm. still invincible.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
