I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ugly people sure do ruin things
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
