No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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