My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
