Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
