I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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