So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
