watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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