We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
