Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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