She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Two words: blizzard sex
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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