Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
