I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
