whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
