I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
