did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
