guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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