the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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