i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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