I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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