Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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