i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
