You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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