So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
