Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize