i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
