How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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