Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
