I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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