you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
