watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
