If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
