Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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