mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
